Swish. Forward and up. Backward and down. This is my favorite playground. This is my favorite swing. It still is. But its not my favorite part of the playground anymore. My favorite is the sandbox at the corner. But I haven’t stood there for some time now. I’m still so scared to go there.
The swing is not as fun anymore. It only does two things now. It only moves you forward. And then back down. I stand up from the swing and stare it down. Why have you changed?
But truth is, it hasn’t. It’s still the same swing. But now I realize what this swing represents. Loneliness. Even when you try to enjoy it, it brings you back to reality.
You dream, you excite, you push. Forward and up. But no matter what you do. It always brings you back. Backward and down. The sad part is, for a long time, I was comfortable playing on this swing.
I pause for a moment, contemplating on how sad my life was on that swing.
And then a thought hit me. And it got me smiling. The thought? It’s Alexi. It’s her. It’s because of her I left that swing. And she did it with no effort at all. I just had to look at her.
I walk along the playground as I continue thinking about Alexi. For everything her mother told me. For everything Alexi told her. It’s all the other way around.
Olivia told me that I showed happiness to Alexi. Forward and up. Backward and down. The truth is, It was Alexi who showed me happiness… the true meaning of it. And all I did was share it with her.
Happiness is not hard to find. All you have to do is look around. Happiness is everywhere.
Happiness is the sun as well as the rain. It’s in your mind as well as your heart. It’s every part of the playground. The slide, the swing, the merry-go-round, there’s even happiness at the corner of the… sandbox.
I stop walking to realize that I’m standing on that very corner of the sandbox. Just awhile ago I was afraid to go near here. But again, Alexi has brought me away from the swing ang back to here, the corner of the sandbox, where I found happiness.
I look to the sun as if to look at Alexi. I smile and tell her, “You’re the best! I wish I had known you longer. In that way, I would have more memories to remember you with. And more reasons to smile. I miss you, Alexi! And for those few moments with you, I thank you!”
I take a deep breath. My eye catches stare to the house across the park. I look to the very window wear I saw Alexi sitting with her green dress. I smile again. Another idea has popped into my mind.
In a split second I begin running out of the playground and across the park.
Ding Dong!
… No answer.
Ding Dong!
Still no answer.
I look around while waiting. There’s a nice porch with a wooden bench right by the door.
Sigh! I wait for a few more seconds, but still no answer. I begin to walk away when suddenly the door opens.
“Jacob! You caught me by surprise! Is everything ok?”
“Hello there, Mrs. Olivia! I hope I didn’t disturb you. But I was wondering. Can you tell me more stories about Alexi?”
Olvia smiled as she closed the door behind her. She sat me down beside her on the bench.
“Jacob, as often as you want, you can come here and I will be more than happy to share stories with you about Alexi,” she told me while comforting me with a hug around my shoulders.
And the whole afternoon she told me stories. Fun ones. They made me laugh. And I noticed that as she told me stories of Alexi, it helped ease the pain from her as well.
Soon enough, we were both smiling. Replacing the recent sad memory of her loss with the past memories of glee she had brought into our lives.
Every story I would hear would bring about a pleasing feeling all over. And with every story, my smile grows bigger. Exactly like the first time I saw the twinkle in Alexi’s eye, and then the next, and so on until the last. The last twinkle which was lost with the rain, but found again with her laugh.
You see, happiness doesn’t disappear with the loss of someone who brought it about. Happiness is everywhere. And mine is Alexi.
She’s my sun and my rain. She’s in my mind and in my heart. She’s my favorite swing on my favorite playground. She’s the sand that sparkles at the corner of the sandbox. And now, even when I close my eyes, everytime I close my eyes, the first thing that I see is Alexi smiling at me.
The End.
Volume I.
Wednesday, August 19, 2009
Sunday, August 2, 2009
The Sandbox CHAPTER 9
“Have you ever tried to hide all the anger in the world?” Olivia asked me.
“I’m about to,” I replied. “But how do you hide it from yourself?”
“Don’t be too hard on yourself, Jacob,” she told me, “you have your whole life ahead of you.”
As a kid, that line never mattered. All we think about is right now. And right now is not good at all.
“Anyway, I shall continue my story,” Olivia said. “The moment I saw Alexi come home from playing in the rain, I was really furious. I wanted to get really mad at her. But I wouldn’t. I knew what would lie ahead after her playing in the rain. Right there and then, I faced the facts. And I wouldn’t want one of my last conversations with Alexi would be me yelling at her. So, I held all my anger. Besides, this is the first time I ever saw her come home from the sandbox…”
She paused and ran her hand through the back of my head, and then she continued.
“…smiling.” Olivia smiled followed by mine as well.
She continued on, “I spent all night beside her. After all, it’s only Alexi and I in that house. After a few series of coughs that night, I rushed her straight to the hospital. The moment the doctor told me she had to be confined, I grew weak. I was afraid it would mean that she was never coming home again.”
“I’m so sorry, Mrs. Olivia,” I told her.
“You know what, Jacob? That’s the first thing Alexi told me at the hospital. Right before she told me about you.”
“Me?” I asked her. “What did she say?”
“I’ll tell you, Jacob. Every single word.”
As a kid, I’m scared. I thought that this would be Olivia’s build up on to saying that this is my entire fault. But I wanted to hear what Alexi had to say. Actually, I wanted to hear her voice.
“Alexi was holding tight to my hand while she talked about you, Jacob.
Mother, I’m so sorry. I can’t say I didn’t mean to do it, because I did. I can’t say it’s someone else’s fault, because it’s not. A week ago, I met Jacob. He’s the only one in the whole sandbox who saw me. And that even includes my own self. He opened my eyes when you kept them closed for me. He’s my toothbrush…”
“Toothbrush?” I interrupted.
“Yes,” Olivia tells me with slight smirk as she continues what Alexi was saying.
“He’s my toothbrush because he gives me the confidence to smile. He brings out my smile to its prettiest. He’s the most fun because unlike my Barbie dolls, he talks back. He’s the most fun because he taught me how to have fun. Mother, you taught me what to keep away from. You taught me what to be scared of. But Jacob, he taught me how fun is a far greater feeling than fear. He taught me how to be a kid. And the one advantage that a kid has over an adult is that a kid has much lesser fears about life. Mother, you taught me how to fight through life. Jacob taught me how to own it. You spent over five years raising me to be who I am. Jacob spent five days showing me who I am… and what I am. And despite the situation right now, you know what I am mother? I am happy.”
Olivia sheds a few tears as she took my hand. “Jacob, you have the gift of turning the world around. As you did Alexi’s. She started by telling me that she was so sorry. And after what she said, her world continued to turn as I replied to her, ‘Alexi, I’m so sorry.’”
Olivia then looked at me in a manner that an adult with look at a child when they were about to say something that a child has to never forget. “Jacob, I spent all this time caring for Alexi that I overlooked her happiness. But you came along and helped me out with that. For all these years, I showed her how life was filled with rain. But you showed her that the sun will always be there to shine right after the rain. Jacob, it’s you. You are the bright side to this story.”
I hugged Olivia tight as she hugged me back. For that moment, I felt as if she were my second mom.
I was almost about to feel better until I realized something. If I’m the bright side to the story, then what happened to Alexi?
“So did Alexi say anything else after that?” I asked.
“Yes, she did, Jacob. She said one more thing, three days later… one last time.”
And that’s when I started to cry a river. Like that time when I lost my favorite toy. Except this time, I lost something a million times more important.
Olivia quickly continued to tell me what Alexi said hoping that it would somehow ease away some tears.
“Mother, I have learned that the sun and sand is a great source of my happiness. So look up each time the sun is out as that is me, taking care of you, in return. And tell Jacob, each time he is in the sandbox, that I will be right there shining over him and playing with him.”
“How will I know who Jacob is? I asked Alexi.” Olivia reiterated what she had said that moment with Alexi.
“That’s easy, mother. Wait for the rain to stop. Then, he will be the first one the sun shines upon.”
With that, I looked down. Frustrated, sad, and wishing so bad that Alexi were right here. Even though she’s gone, I am still here in the sandbox, wishing for her to come.
I take notice of the sand. It was sparkling brighter than ever. And then I looked up at the sun and sighed.
“Oh there you are, Alexi!”
End Chapter 9.
“I’m about to,” I replied. “But how do you hide it from yourself?”
“Don’t be too hard on yourself, Jacob,” she told me, “you have your whole life ahead of you.”
As a kid, that line never mattered. All we think about is right now. And right now is not good at all.
“Anyway, I shall continue my story,” Olivia said. “The moment I saw Alexi come home from playing in the rain, I was really furious. I wanted to get really mad at her. But I wouldn’t. I knew what would lie ahead after her playing in the rain. Right there and then, I faced the facts. And I wouldn’t want one of my last conversations with Alexi would be me yelling at her. So, I held all my anger. Besides, this is the first time I ever saw her come home from the sandbox…”
She paused and ran her hand through the back of my head, and then she continued.
“…smiling.” Olivia smiled followed by mine as well.
She continued on, “I spent all night beside her. After all, it’s only Alexi and I in that house. After a few series of coughs that night, I rushed her straight to the hospital. The moment the doctor told me she had to be confined, I grew weak. I was afraid it would mean that she was never coming home again.”
“I’m so sorry, Mrs. Olivia,” I told her.
“You know what, Jacob? That’s the first thing Alexi told me at the hospital. Right before she told me about you.”
“Me?” I asked her. “What did she say?”
“I’ll tell you, Jacob. Every single word.”
As a kid, I’m scared. I thought that this would be Olivia’s build up on to saying that this is my entire fault. But I wanted to hear what Alexi had to say. Actually, I wanted to hear her voice.
“Alexi was holding tight to my hand while she talked about you, Jacob.
Mother, I’m so sorry. I can’t say I didn’t mean to do it, because I did. I can’t say it’s someone else’s fault, because it’s not. A week ago, I met Jacob. He’s the only one in the whole sandbox who saw me. And that even includes my own self. He opened my eyes when you kept them closed for me. He’s my toothbrush…”
“Toothbrush?” I interrupted.
“Yes,” Olivia tells me with slight smirk as she continues what Alexi was saying.
“He’s my toothbrush because he gives me the confidence to smile. He brings out my smile to its prettiest. He’s the most fun because unlike my Barbie dolls, he talks back. He’s the most fun because he taught me how to have fun. Mother, you taught me what to keep away from. You taught me what to be scared of. But Jacob, he taught me how fun is a far greater feeling than fear. He taught me how to be a kid. And the one advantage that a kid has over an adult is that a kid has much lesser fears about life. Mother, you taught me how to fight through life. Jacob taught me how to own it. You spent over five years raising me to be who I am. Jacob spent five days showing me who I am… and what I am. And despite the situation right now, you know what I am mother? I am happy.”
Olivia sheds a few tears as she took my hand. “Jacob, you have the gift of turning the world around. As you did Alexi’s. She started by telling me that she was so sorry. And after what she said, her world continued to turn as I replied to her, ‘Alexi, I’m so sorry.’”
Olivia then looked at me in a manner that an adult with look at a child when they were about to say something that a child has to never forget. “Jacob, I spent all this time caring for Alexi that I overlooked her happiness. But you came along and helped me out with that. For all these years, I showed her how life was filled with rain. But you showed her that the sun will always be there to shine right after the rain. Jacob, it’s you. You are the bright side to this story.”
I hugged Olivia tight as she hugged me back. For that moment, I felt as if she were my second mom.
I was almost about to feel better until I realized something. If I’m the bright side to the story, then what happened to Alexi?
“So did Alexi say anything else after that?” I asked.
“Yes, she did, Jacob. She said one more thing, three days later… one last time.”
And that’s when I started to cry a river. Like that time when I lost my favorite toy. Except this time, I lost something a million times more important.
Olivia quickly continued to tell me what Alexi said hoping that it would somehow ease away some tears.
“Mother, I have learned that the sun and sand is a great source of my happiness. So look up each time the sun is out as that is me, taking care of you, in return. And tell Jacob, each time he is in the sandbox, that I will be right there shining over him and playing with him.”
“How will I know who Jacob is? I asked Alexi.” Olivia reiterated what she had said that moment with Alexi.
“That’s easy, mother. Wait for the rain to stop. Then, he will be the first one the sun shines upon.”
With that, I looked down. Frustrated, sad, and wishing so bad that Alexi were right here. Even though she’s gone, I am still here in the sandbox, wishing for her to come.
I take notice of the sand. It was sparkling brighter than ever. And then I looked up at the sun and sighed.
“Oh there you are, Alexi!”
End Chapter 9.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
